Diet...

Ugh I am gonna totally bitch right now. I have learned by elimination that I can not handle wheat or dairy. I have not gone to the doctor but all of the symptoms I would have gone to the doctor for are gone when I do not eat them. I will eventually get to the doctor, but having 5 kids that are home makes it less than easy.
So I am at a point that I also have extremely bad teeth, no back molars at this point. I just had them pulled yesterday and now I am on a soft diet for 3 weeks. So a soft diet with no wheat or dairy...WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went shopping today and for lunch I had some chocolate"milk" and some "chocolate" waffers...I am so fucking hungry and I am not nice when I am hungry. I have been on a somewhat soft diet for a while now, because of the condition of the teeth that were pulled. There were good and bad days with the pain and infections. Now since I have gapping holes in my mouth I am really on a soft diet. My husband and I have a friend watching the kids tonight so we can go to a family wake, husband wants to take advantage and go out to dinner. I would love to but where the hell am I going to find a restaurant that will make us both happy? He wants steak and potatoes, and I need some soup. I will search online but I am going away from why I am bitching...
I love to cook and eat! I lived for food, my husband eats to live. This is so not fair. I have learned in the last few years with my dental condition worsening that food is not meant to be made love to, you can love it though. He is tall and thin and will leave ice cream, or any dessert for that matter, in a bowl when he is full. Who the fuck does that? Not this one!!! I have the opposite problem, I eat till everything is gone, off every ones plates. No wonder I got up to 297lbs...shhh don't tell anyone, I have not publicly said that before. It actually feels good to now. I am down to 197 right now, I am very proud of myself, I have not starved myself at all. I work out 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I am thinking it may be too much now. Ugh again I have gone off track...
I love food, I really do. I love to create great yummy meals for my family. I love using fresh ingredients and lots of bright colored fruits and veggies. I love to make desserts and then eat them...my nickname from my husband is coffee cake killer...lovely huh? I deserve it, he has seen me put away numerous coffee cakes, cakes, cookies, brownies, and all sorts of delish things. I am about 30 lbs away from my goal and I have learned to make just about everything healthy, my problem is portion control. I have had to learn this by default. My teeth can only take so much at a time.
I am deeply saddened that I have fallen out of love with food, I almost hate it now. I dread making dinner, mostly because I can not eat most of what I make. I make a separate meal for myself. I do not expect my family to eat dairy and wheat free, it sucks donkey balls! So now I am working on falling in love with my kind of meals. One it's terribly expensive and had to shop for. I have to go to a totally separate store that is not close to any of the other stores I shop at. Most of the stuff that is available is fucking gross. I love tasting great food, I often don't like to eat out because I am a much better cook than what most restaurants can make...yes I am very confident.
After shopping today I ended up getting myself a box of cereal, that I cant eat for 3 more weeks, and some "milk" I will survive on protein shakes and hopefully some soy yogurt if I can get to the "other" store soon. Ok I think I am done bitching, I am getting a head ache because I am so hungry...have I mentioned I hate being hungry...

Same sex marriage

This is a huge decision for our generation of people to make. It will change our society for ever. It will change how other countries view us. It will change so many things that I am glad that it is taking so long for it to be voted in/out. Has everyone thought about this?
We are a Biblical based country, whether you like it or not we are. It clearly states in the Bible that marriage is between a man and a woman and that same sex relationships are sinful. Same as sex before marriage, being too fat, getting drunk, I could go on and on. As we sit in our over extravigant houses(sinful), using way more resources than we need(sinful), we are stopping the gays from getting married? Do you see my conflict?
From what I learned from the Bible, our sin is the same in Gods eyes no matter what. Each sin we commit is like a brick, no ones bigger than the other. Although I may think I have a place in Heaven before a mass murderer, God does not. He sees us as equals.
As a mostly concervative lady I have a huge struggle with this. I do not beleive in Gay marriage. However I do not beleive I have the right to say that Gays can not get married. I do think same sex relationships are sinful, I have had sinful relationships, so I do not judge. I have friends that are in same sex relationships, and I would like to see some of them be able to get "married".
SO I can not say either way with complete 100% of myself if I think it should be leagalized or not.
One huge problem I do have, is this: Why can Pro Same Sex groups/persons post very nagative arguments, articles and statements towards people that do not believe, saying they are wrong and completely off the wall. Why are we not entitled to our opinion? Why should I be ashamed of having Biblical values. I am not causing harm to my gay friends, I do not sit in jugdement. Just because someone does not agree does not mean they are judging you. If they are who CARES!!! If they are judging you it's because that is their sin and they will have to answer to God for that themselves.
Is civil union not an option? I am not really sure the opinions of supporters/opposers on this. As far as Illinios goes I was just sent a letter by my husbands insurance company that anyone considered a partner is covered as a spouse. Marriage is not required, same sex didnt apply. You can get married in a Church and have the ceremony being same sex. For my husband and I it's not the state paper that makes us married, it's the vows we took before God and now the children we raise together. We are committed to each other, even though sometimes I would love to sufficate him in his sleep...thats a whole other blog though ;)
I guess what I would love to see is that Marriage does stay sacred, a man and woman and it not hurt anyones feelings, but I feel guilty even typing that. Guilt does not come from God I know this so it's not him putting doubt in my head. Are you going to judge me for having that beleif? If so you may need to look at why you feel the need to convince me or others. Is it because it really matters to you what we think? Do you really need our approval?
The fact of the matter is we are not all equal here on earth, the only place we are actually viewed as completely equal is in Gods eyes.

need vs want to blog...

I really want to be a blogger...but dont have the desire enough to spend the time to do it. I love reading other peoples blogs and looking at their pictures. There are always things I think during the day that I should blog about then come time to sit down its gone. We will see if this desire takes over and I start blogging more...

So today is the offical weigh in day for our group that is competeing. I am at 224, so thats down three pounds since Monday. I am happy, yet have a voice in my head saying you need to loose 70 lbs...whats that 3 gonna do. Then the voice of reasoning brings up it's 3 less that you have to loose. Does anyone else do this, it's such a mental game and I need to learn how to control it. For my bmi wieght I should weigh between 130-145. I have not weighted that since prob junior high and I was never over weight as a kid, or young adult really. I am hoping that I will be happy at 160 and healthy too. My goal is to be able to run 10 miles while my kids bike it, since they love to do this and ofcourse they have the energy to go for miles and miles. I have done pretty well with cravings, not over eating. I have been eating those yogurts that have the cake recipes and fat free pudding cups at night. So yesterday I ate yogurt for breakfast with a large coffee, had a large salad with some lunch meat, ham, and portillios dressing, some watermelon and dinner was two chicken legs grilled, blt pasta salad and green peppers. Then my beloved pudding cup. Oh I did have two afternoon beers with a friend, and I drink full leaded no light.
So as long as I can keep eating pretty normal I think I can do this, it's all about portion control for me.

Weight Loss...

So since I have been pregnant with Paige, she is now 8.5, I have been over weight. I am now at the point I am sick of it and the weight needs to go, so this will serve as my diary, and log. I am hoping that this serves as an extra accountability measure. I am competing with two friends on who can get to their goal weight first. So I am at...ugh are you ready 227 as of a few days ago. I weighed myself today at it was 225, no way I couldn't believe it so I weighed myself all day long, and all day it was 225. So I must be doing something right...I hope.
So the plan is a weight watchers style I am not doing it but my friend has and she said it's a good way to live and eat healthy. I must add we are not currently in our house since our floors are being redone and it is not making this easy. So when I get my own kitchen and house back things should go smoothly. I will report back in two days after my next weigh in.

The whole teacher thing...

So because of our states financial situation our district is having to reduce their budget to stay with in budget. I know how important this is and I am really happy that our school board and superintendant have done so for the past oh say 13 years. The teachers have been offered a pay freeze to save all the other teachers that will have to be let go. The word on the street is not too confident that it will be a majority vote to have the pay freeze. I am so not happy with that. Mostly because we will be loosing 4 of the BEST teachers at my kids school. These are the teachers that come in early, stay late, start after school programs to expose kids to music and art when otherwise they would not have it. The help put on the school play, they talk to parents like we are human and not just dumb. I am so upset about it that it has started to consume my thoughts, which I am aware that is very unhealthy. My sopution is to fire all the teachers, get rid of the union and rehire the desireable teachers not just the ones that are tenured. They would be hired based on parent evaulation, test scores...gasp....I know right they would be judged on their performance!!! Like the rest of the freaking world. I know Joe does not get a raise let alone get to keep his job just because he has been there for so long. This is my main beef with unions in general, thats a whole other blog though.
Where is the union for these teaches that have busted their ass for our kids?!? I want these teachers in our school, to make it better. This will affect our town in so many ways I dont think anyone is thinking about the long term affect this will have. SO I have gotten an idea with another concered mom, I hope it works and I will let you know...

Are you proud of who you are?

So I read on one of my friends facebook pages "brown pride", he is half white and half mexican. He is proud of being mexican, there is nothing wrong with that right? I dont see anything wrong with that. I am proud to be his friend. My problem with this is that if I were to post "white pride" on my page I would probably have a long list of people telling me how offensive it is, that is comes across racist...WHY!!! I am white, my ansertors were white, they were from England for goodness sake. Why cant I be proud that my family came across the ocean to a country that had nothing and built themselves a life and family to sustain to today? I dont know if they had slaves, servants or any of the sort. They probably did but there is nothing I can do to change it and I am sorry for those people that were their slaves or servants. I am not sorry for their famies , that may seem cold and harsh but it is reality. Obviously it has been overcome to the point where even a black man can be president. I am just really sick of the special treatment that is given to those of color...we are not the majority anymore us white folk I mean. We are a melting pot, so shouldnt the help be given to those in need, not based of the color of their skin? I am all for education and health care for all, but that is why we pay our taxes so that we can make our children a productive part of society. It only betters our country as a whole when we keep our families healthy and educated. However when families move here from out of the country and dont pay taxes but receive free help and work for cash why is nothing done about it? It is not one race doing it, I am well aware of that and I do not blame one race. I blame us Americans who have let this continue to the point we can not even keep teachers in our schools. Where are our priorities? Why arent we proud enough to stand up for ourselves as well as everyone else? It was just as hard for people 100 years ago to come here and start over as it is today. There are just different obsticals. Think about where we need to be as a country as things fall apart around us, if we cant take care of what we have what makes us think we can take care of everyone that decides to come to America...